Monday, April 30, 2012

Fa la la...facebook

Ahhh!!! The dichotomy of that invention!  And here I find myself at the crossroads of what it offers.  I remember the day I set up my account...the initial confusion, the internal debate over why I was doing this (which of course was because of a wonderful gal I met who happened to be from Poland and currently lives in Brazil and how on earth else would I maintain contact with her?!), the enjoyment of locating people I hadn't seen in a couple of decades and the virtual linking of myself and random pictures to those people I see everyday anyways.  I fell into the thrill of acquiring those "friends" on my list and watching my friend list quickly climb to well over 300 as I became reacquainted to so many people I had lost touch with.  I also questioned the unanswered "de-friending" that occurs and did the same to those that I decided, for whatever reason, didn't really need to be part of THE list.  Statuses changed and were updated, anger and personal information was regularly posted, emotional angst was vaguely referred to, and birthday wishes well received.  I found myself doing what so many linked to facebook do...I was regularly logging in to see what everyone was up to, view updated pictures of adventures from all over the world, shared witty comments that simply could not be kept to myself, and vied for the support that I so desperately needed during a very difficult time and adequately received.

 Then come the recent studies and research regarding facebook and how it affects real relationships.  It has been said that 1 out of 5 divorces now cites facebook as a reason.  The number of affairs, not just literal physical affairs but the extensive emotional affairs, that have come from facebook are staggering.  I personally can count several people that I have know closely who have fallen to this prey.  Church leaders have counseled against it galore and that doesn't even touch the number of secular counselors, therapists, and experts who have the same warning.  Everyone thinks they are exempt...fool proof.  But are they? 

So, here I am.  Conflicted.  Wondering.  What is it that facebook really does for me nowadays?  I can't negate the people with whom I have reconnected or the events I am made aware, but how much time am I spending on keeping up with people I only see via status updates versus the people that are physically present?  Where should my efforts lie?  Here's the thing...I've got this great life!  I've got this great husband who shows me daily how much he loves me and would never hurt me like I was hurt for so long.  He talks to me and listens to what I have to say.  My kids are these amazing creatures with views and thoughts and opinions and struggles of their own who openly and willingly want to discuss them with me.  I have great friends who share their lives with me and care about mine.  Do they number in the 300's?  No.  Does that matter?  I've decided not. Nor do I ever want to give a single one of those people reason to pause and wonder about my facebook doings.   Life is in such a different place than it ever has been before...and I'm awarded the privilege and honor of being in relationships that are real and good.  So why wouldn't I spend every possible minute nourishing those instead of the ones online?  I love my facebook friends...and the acquaintances that have come through that modern avenue.  And yet my efforts are so much better appreciated in real, physical, status update-free life. 

So, facebook, you and I are in the process of redefining our relationship.  I'm not sure where that definition will lead us.  And yet I know that if there is someone that cares enough about our relationship then I will know when they have given birth to a baby regardless of their status updates.  Here's to living in the here...the now...the real...with what matters.