Wednesday, May 20, 2009
If ya wanna keep reading it, ya gotta let me know!
Time to REALLY block out trolls :-) How hilarious that that is an issue! So, here's the thing, if you would like to maintain access to my blog for the future yet infrequent posting as to the craziness and ridiculousness of my life, please send me an email with your email so I can invite you or post it in a comment on this. Would love to have MOST of you keep reading :-)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Trimming trees, making beds, and splinters
I would like to think everyone has been wondering and wondering where an entry from me has been, and yet I am well aware that all of YOU are well aware that I am notoriously a horribly flakey blogger and a long lag time between posts from me is not only not surprising, but expected. What can I say? No real excuses, but really the best excuses ever. Whatever. It is what it is, right?
So...I would like to post a picture...or pictures...and I definitely want to change my main picture although I don't want to change it at all. Aside from that indecision, the decision is made for me, or really by me, because I haven't taken a single picture since November 28, 2008. Not one. At all. Of anything. And I would think most of you would wonder about that, because I take pictures...lots of them! Now, don't get me wrong, none of them are really any good in a professional sense, and yet I took them, lots of them, because I always wanted to capture the moments...remember little insignificant moments in time...immortalize daily uselessness and frivolity. And now I don't. And I want to...desperately...and I can't. How do I capture this? How is any of this remotely insignificant? And although extremely useless, not in any way frivolous...and I can't capture it.
So...I have replaced old guilt and regrets with ones of having no pictures for 6 months. Six months that won't be immortalized...and I think it's ok. Because I trimmed a tree yesterday. I sported my bikini top and some board shorts, got out some hedge trimmers, ran an extension cord, and trimmed the hell out of a tree. And I think I did ok...I mean it DOES still look like a tree so I'm considering that a successful outcome :-) And the branches that were low were easy, but I was a rockstar with that trimmer over my head, extension cord dangling by my side, as I jumped (yes, jumped!) with those electric trimmers over my head to get the higher branches. But I did it...by myself...and I'm a rockstar!
Then I even cleaned the trimmings. I hoe-ed all the weeds, I raked the leaves and debris, I gathered the branches cut from the tree that shadows us as we come home. And I got the most horrible splinter. And if I could find where I put anything yet, or where the remaining random items that are still packed were actually packed, I could get it out. And at the same time, I like that it's a reminder...a reminder of what I've done, what I've accomplished, and what I can be...because we all know the splinter WILL come out...and my finger will be as good as new.
So, we've moved. The boys and I. Into a fabulous little house closer to town and closer to stores and closer to school and the boys have tons of friends nearby and they ride their bikes regardless of the ridiculously hot May we are having and they go to Sonic to get themselves a $1 slush and they love it...and I love it. And we made beds. I put the beds together, one by one, screw by screw, and they are together. And we made our beds...and we are sleeping in them and we are doing it day by day as a team and together and making "this" as fabulous as we can...and honestly, it may be drastically different, but it IS fabulous! And I've made my bed. Literally and figuratively. Now, I didn't choose for the bed to necessarily get messed up the way it did...I didn't personally rip the sheets violently from the mattress...but I did leave it unmade for a while. But now I made it...and I'm sleeping in it...and it has fabulous flowers all over it! And it is amazingly wonderful how I can go from a desert of weeds to a bed of flowers in a day. Truly symbolic.
So I'm aspiring to take a picture. It will be hard. I'm sure I will cry with the first click of the shutter. I have no idea what it will be of...and yet it probably really doesn't matter. I will capture anything...and it will mean something...because it will be the first.
I have so much to say and can't really say any of it. I haven't said anything for years, but my voice is becoming more clear. And I've made a list of those who have heard it...and I will keep it forever...because it matters that I talked and I was heard. In the end, it will matter that I said it all. And I truly have so many friends...and people that have cared and do care for me. It is so poignant to realize that my friends are really more family to me that those who truly were my family. I always said that I would've rather been "like family" in that circle because it certainly meant more than the actual family. I guess I get that now...and I'm good...cuz I'm a rockstar...and I've got my rock moves! It has been interesting to see those whom have run away...and those whom have run to me. My parents and my sister have been incredible...and it all goes back to the roots. Same as the weeds and flowers and trees. It seems that sometimes the weeds grow so thick and strong...and some of them are actually pretty and have colorful flowers...and they begin to surround you until you realized they are overtaking your garden. So, you can get rid of the weeds...and you can pull them from the ground...and some are harder than others...and you may stickers in your hands from them and you may get splinters from the rake while ridding the yard of them. And then you can plant beautiful flowers...and they may be small...needing to be nurtured...but your nurturing brings forth something beautiful. And in the midst of the disappearing weeds and blossoming flowers, stands the tree. It's always been there...it can weather the storms...it shades you from the burning sun. Although the leaves may fall off in the winter, it's ok...because shade isn't needed in the winter...and the weather here has been great in the winters...but in the spring it grows full and beautiful again. And I guess I'm saying...I'm grateful for ridding my life of weeds, I'm loving watching the budding flowers, and I am eternally grateful for my tree.
I'm off to try to get out this darn splinter :-)
So...I would like to post a picture...or pictures...and I definitely want to change my main picture although I don't want to change it at all. Aside from that indecision, the decision is made for me, or really by me, because I haven't taken a single picture since November 28, 2008. Not one. At all. Of anything. And I would think most of you would wonder about that, because I take pictures...lots of them! Now, don't get me wrong, none of them are really any good in a professional sense, and yet I took them, lots of them, because I always wanted to capture the moments...remember little insignificant moments in time...immortalize daily uselessness and frivolity. And now I don't. And I want to...desperately...and I can't. How do I capture this? How is any of this remotely insignificant? And although extremely useless, not in any way frivolous...and I can't capture it.
So...I have replaced old guilt and regrets with ones of having no pictures for 6 months. Six months that won't be immortalized...and I think it's ok. Because I trimmed a tree yesterday. I sported my bikini top and some board shorts, got out some hedge trimmers, ran an extension cord, and trimmed the hell out of a tree. And I think I did ok...I mean it DOES still look like a tree so I'm considering that a successful outcome :-) And the branches that were low were easy, but I was a rockstar with that trimmer over my head, extension cord dangling by my side, as I jumped (yes, jumped!) with those electric trimmers over my head to get the higher branches. But I did it...by myself...and I'm a rockstar!
Then I even cleaned the trimmings. I hoe-ed all the weeds, I raked the leaves and debris, I gathered the branches cut from the tree that shadows us as we come home. And I got the most horrible splinter. And if I could find where I put anything yet, or where the remaining random items that are still packed were actually packed, I could get it out. And at the same time, I like that it's a reminder...a reminder of what I've done, what I've accomplished, and what I can be...because we all know the splinter WILL come out...and my finger will be as good as new.
So, we've moved. The boys and I. Into a fabulous little house closer to town and closer to stores and closer to school and the boys have tons of friends nearby and they ride their bikes regardless of the ridiculously hot May we are having and they go to Sonic to get themselves a $1 slush and they love it...and I love it. And we made beds. I put the beds together, one by one, screw by screw, and they are together. And we made our beds...and we are sleeping in them and we are doing it day by day as a team and together and making "this" as fabulous as we can...and honestly, it may be drastically different, but it IS fabulous! And I've made my bed. Literally and figuratively. Now, I didn't choose for the bed to necessarily get messed up the way it did...I didn't personally rip the sheets violently from the mattress...but I did leave it unmade for a while. But now I made it...and I'm sleeping in it...and it has fabulous flowers all over it! And it is amazingly wonderful how I can go from a desert of weeds to a bed of flowers in a day. Truly symbolic.
So I'm aspiring to take a picture. It will be hard. I'm sure I will cry with the first click of the shutter. I have no idea what it will be of...and yet it probably really doesn't matter. I will capture anything...and it will mean something...because it will be the first.
I have so much to say and can't really say any of it. I haven't said anything for years, but my voice is becoming more clear. And I've made a list of those who have heard it...and I will keep it forever...because it matters that I talked and I was heard. In the end, it will matter that I said it all. And I truly have so many friends...and people that have cared and do care for me. It is so poignant to realize that my friends are really more family to me that those who truly were my family. I always said that I would've rather been "like family" in that circle because it certainly meant more than the actual family. I guess I get that now...and I'm good...cuz I'm a rockstar...and I've got my rock moves! It has been interesting to see those whom have run away...and those whom have run to me. My parents and my sister have been incredible...and it all goes back to the roots. Same as the weeds and flowers and trees. It seems that sometimes the weeds grow so thick and strong...and some of them are actually pretty and have colorful flowers...and they begin to surround you until you realized they are overtaking your garden. So, you can get rid of the weeds...and you can pull them from the ground...and some are harder than others...and you may stickers in your hands from them and you may get splinters from the rake while ridding the yard of them. And then you can plant beautiful flowers...and they may be small...needing to be nurtured...but your nurturing brings forth something beautiful. And in the midst of the disappearing weeds and blossoming flowers, stands the tree. It's always been there...it can weather the storms...it shades you from the burning sun. Although the leaves may fall off in the winter, it's ok...because shade isn't needed in the winter...and the weather here has been great in the winters...but in the spring it grows full and beautiful again. And I guess I'm saying...I'm grateful for ridding my life of weeds, I'm loving watching the budding flowers, and I am eternally grateful for my tree.
I'm off to try to get out this darn splinter :-)
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